Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Am I wrong?
I have been debating for 2 days now and waiting for the prison to call me back(checking on visitor list). My husband's ex is in prison for killing a man while she was drunk, high on coke and weed for the last 8 years. I have kept in touch with her family for the boys and always invited them to birthdays and Christmas. After Missi went away to prison my husband and I sat down and had a talk with Sylvia and her husband that we never wanted the boys exposed to that life. They agreed! Well last Saturday she picked up my oldest son who is home before he gets deployed later this month. They were taking him out to lunch. As a surprise they took him to the prison to see her. I know that he is 19 and a man but I don't give a rip if he would be 40. I do NOT want my boys to have to or even want to visit her in prison. She didn't bother to visit them for 2 years before she even went to prison. She doesn't pay a penny in child support and never has even though she is in a work release prison because she is supposed to have a job and gets 1 weekend a month off. If I find out she took my middle son also, who needs our signature, we am going to court to have visitation rights taken away. I know if I try to discuss this with Sylvia I am going to lose my temper but if I just never invite her to family functions again. Will she do this again? I just don't know what to do. I am good friends with her other daughter Dawn maybe if I calm down enough I will call her to see what she thinks. My husband wants to cut all ties with that side of the family even though he is good friends with Sylvia's son.
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I tell you April, I regret not cutting ties to Amber's side when she was a lot younger. I always thought I was doing the right thing by letting her see them. In reality all it did was complicate her whole life.
ReplyDeleteWhat I see in your situation is that Frank and Sylvia's loyalty will always lie with their daughter. Maybe they're not to blame for that because most parents would be the same way, but that is not helping the boys any. That is serving Missy's needs and their needs to help their daughter. Very selfish.
I had a similar situation with Jan. She and I were always close when Christal was out of the picture. But when it came right down to it, she sided with her daughter and she pretty much told me I was nothing, that Christal was her "real mother". That is when I knew I had made a HUGE mistake. I should never have been so open with Amber. They were basically plotting against me and Tony the whole time.
Those boys are almost grown now so I think they feel Andrew is fair game now and Craig too, now that he's not living with you anymore. The only one you're going to be able to have any say over is going to be Brett. For a couple years anyway.
You and Jamie, on the other hand, don't have to put up with it anymore. They're showing you what they think of you by going against your wishes. You guys have bent over backwards to include them in the boy's life. I think it's crap that the first chance they get they go behind your back.
Whatever you decide now has to be what's best for Brett. I would say let him decide but that's not fair to him. That might only put guilt on him if he decided he doesn't want to see them anymore or even if he decides he does. He might feel like he's going against you and Jamie if he does want to see them. It's a tricky situation. Maybe Dawn could give you some insight. Good luck.
I can understand that Frank and Sylvia would want Missy to have a chance to see Andrew before he goes off to Iraq...what I don't get is why they would lie about it. Like you said, Andrew is a grown man. Did they lie to him to, just take him there without asking him? Guess we know where that deceptive gene comes from. I hope you all can figure something out soon though. ::hugs::
ReplyDeleteWe all knew this issue would come up sooner or later April. There is really nothing you can do now except make some changes where Brett is concerned, I guess. One day those boys will see Missy for what she really is and realize you and Jamie were right all along
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